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Post Natal Depression 

Motivating Stories

Memories - There’s been days when I felt that my head and body were separate and my life was a total blur.  There have been many days when my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t leave the house.  There was a time when the only mirror I had in my house was above the bathroom vanity, so I didn’t have to and couldn’t see, the rest of my body because I hated myself so much.  In my 17 year relationship, I never recall being told I was beautiful.  Feelings were never discussed.  Apologies were never given, because he was never wrong.  I never wanted to tell my family or friends for fear that they thought I was a failure as a wife, a mum and a woman. There were years, yes years, when I cried myself to sleep every night because I was so sad and so afraid. I would then cry some more when I woke up, because I was still alive.

That was until 3 years ago………..

Now?  I am mentally, emotionally and physically on fire!  My anxiety is controlled and while I still enjoy the ‘me’ time, leaving the house isn’t so bad!  I have full length mirrors in the house and I am proud and happy with what I see.  My 17 year relationship is over – high five!  I am a very private person, but each day I am finding it a little easier to talk about feelings and emotions.  I no longer cry myself to sleep, I go to bed with a grin from ear to ear.  My alarm is set for 4.30am most mornings and I can’t wait to see each day, the people in it and involvement they have in my life. 

So what changed?  I did.  It was like I gave myself a slap up the side of the head and said “What the hell are you doing?”  I felt dead on the inside.  I am a single mum now and have been for 3? years, just turned 41 and my son is in Year 7.  We are great mates and I would do absolutely anything for him.  I have a wonderful family and an amazing friend who means the absolute world to me.  I am what people say, a true ‘Leo’!  I quit my ‘real’ job 2 years ago and took on a new career and entered a whole new world of independence.  I feel like my life, in the past 18months especially, has started again. 

But why?  Because life is good!  I am having a blast and I want you to enjoy your life as much as I am. 

How?  Don’t feel guilty, take control!  How?  Well it’s not easy, but you can do it! You just have to believe it.  We all have that inner strength and power to achieve the things we want to in life, but it’s our self belief that stops us from using it.  Start to believe in yourself, and trust me, things will change.

First, I got help.  I realised that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore.  That was the first, and probably the biggest, step for me. 

Second, I found the inner strength that I thought I had put away forever.  And do you know how I found it?  I knew I had done and given everything.  There was nothing left to give.  I realised that there was a life out there that was better, and I wanted it.  Once I made the decision, I stuck to it. I had to take charge of my own and my son’s life.  Yes I was scared.  I was petrified!  For months and months I remained scared.  But I was free.

Third – I started to believe again.  I believed that I could have a better life.  I believed I could be happier.  I believed I could make it on my own.  But most importantly, I believed in me. 

How does the story end?  I am alive, I am happy and I am living!

Written by:Colleen Mieni